


Re:Addicted

by Strandenstein



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Drug Addiction, Drugs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:46:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28947639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Strandenstein/pseuds/Strandenstein
Summary: The Emilia camp developed a crippling drug addiction and Subaru intends to intervene and fix it.
Comments: 15
Kudos: 38





	Re:Addicted

**Author's Note:**

> Not for those afraid of extreme blood/gore

Subaru slowly cracked his eyes open as he began to rub away the sleep from the previous night, sunlight was streaming through the open curtains and shining right on his face. He slowly turned his head to see that Beatrice was still asleep beside him, her small hands still clasped onto the material of his tracksuit from when she had unconsciously reached out at some point during the night. Subaru slowly and gently unclasped her tiny fingers before sitting up in the bed and stretching both his arms out while yawning, he hadn’t slept this late into the day since he had arrived in Lugunica from Japan.

“I’ve got a lot to do today, but it’s not like I was even asleep for that long….” Subaru rubbed his still tired eyes as he thought back to the events of the previous night, when he began the first parts of his plan to set the Emilia camp free from their self-imposed shackles, free from their crippling drug addiction.

Although the previous night had been interesting it had also been the very thing that Subaru felt would end up destroying the Emilia camp; the trio of Emilia, Beatrice, and Ram had been going at their vice of choice hard. Emilia had been shooting up heroin almost constantly, to the point that Subaru had feared that she’d overdoes right in front of him. Beatrice had sat beside him on the couch for nearly the whole night drinking brandy and chain-smoking cigarettes until she got nearly half way through her bottle and passed out. Ram had been missing from the room with them for the whole night, but he knew precisely what that meant, she’d probably been in her usual closet huffing paint thinner until she was so high that she didn’t know up from down.

Subaru himself generally didn’t partake in drugs, the most he’d do was smoke the occasional cigarette with Beatrice when they were just sitting on the couch together but anything more than that was a big no to him. Even when he managed to get his beloved Emilia-tan to go on a second date with him, he’d cancelled it the second that she started insisting that they go and shoot up heroin together.

It was because of events like these with Emilia and Beatrice, Ram included if you count when Subaru would run into her unable to stand due to how high she was, that Subaru had decided to act. Once everyone had eventually either passed out or gone off to bed, he had begun skulking around the mansion making his preparations; first he located all the alcohol in the mansion and either relocated it somewhere high off the ground or poured it out. This would buy him time to convince Beatrice to at least give up her chronic drinking habit, which would eventually happen given the influence he had over her as her contractor. The next task had been a bit trickier, he snuck into Emilia’s room while she was sleeping and very quietly began looking for where she kept her heroin paraphernalia, which she had to hide as Roswaal greatly disapproved of it due to her being a current royal selection candidate. Subaru had wanted to also include helping Ram into his plan but frankly he knew she’d never listen to him, his only hope would be for Roswaal to try and convince her to stop huffing paint thinner.

Of the other people in the Emilia camp, only Petra was currently residing in the mansion; the rest had gone with Roswaal to inspect the work on preparing the new mansion. However as far as Subaru knew Petra wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary, at most just not cleaning her teeth as they seemed to be ever so slightly worse for wear than normal.

Subaru was abruptly pulled from his thoughts by the stirring of the drill haired loli to his right, he turned and watched as she slowly sat up in the bed only to groan and hold her head as if she had some splitting headache.

“Betty really needs a fucking drink right about now, in fact.” Said the drill loli as she leaned over and grabbed the bottle of brandy on the nightstand by the bed, only to discover that there wasn’t a drop left in it when she tilted it up to her mouth.

“This is really a bad morning for Betty to be left dry, I suppose.” Beatrice lamented to no one in particular as she slowly and carefully climbed from the bed and walked towards the desk, removing a cigarette from her pocket before searching unsuccessfully for something in the drawer.

“Betty can’t find the matches, does Betty’s Subaru have a light, I suppose?” Beatrice turned to ask Subaru with the cigarette still sticking out of her mouth.

“That’s a nice way to say good morning Beatrice, but sorry you used the last of my matches last night” Subaru said nonchalantly to the very visually displeased loli.

“Last night just keeps coming back to bite Betty in the ass, in fact” Beatrice said before seemingly grimacing in pain as she concentrated.

“Goa, in fact.” And with that one word the end of the cigarette burst into flames before reducing to a smolder.

“Beatrice isn’t that a bit of a waste of mana? And how about cutting back on the smoking and drinking just a little bit, ya’know?” Subaru said shocked at how Beatrice used the little mana she had to simply light a cigarette.

“There are some things in this world that Betty just can’t live without anymore, I suppose” Beatrice than took a long drag from her cigarette before continuing. “Betty couldn’t live without her Subaru, but Betty also couldn’t get by without her Brandy and smokes, in fact.”

Subaru looked visually saddened hearing the dependance on alcohol that Beatrice had developed, he could only follow her with his eyes as she walked out of the room, puffing away in search of her next drink.

“I can’t stay here all day, gotta get the stuff out of Emilia’s room before she wakes up.” Subaru quickly got out of bed and began walking down the hall towards Emilia’s room, cursing himself for not grabbing the stuff when he initially found it last night.

As he walked down the hallway, he ran into Petra waiting outside a closet as a strange noise emerged from it. As he approached her, she must have heard him as she turned to face him quickly with a look of surprise on her face.

“S-Subaru-sama! Good morning!” Petra said while curtseying, clearly showing how far she was coming with the etiquette required to be a maid.

“Good morning Petra, any particular reason why you’re just waiting here?” Subaru asked the young maid.

“I need to let Ram-nee-sama know that we’re out of potatoes, I could go buy more but I think that I should get permission from her first.”

“Just go and pick them up Petra if Ram’s in there than she defiantly isn’t going to be coming out anytime soon. If Ram starts chewing you out for it just tell her that I gave you permission.”

“Thank you Subaru! Uhhh Subaru-sama…. By the way do you know what Ram’s doing in there, she’s disappeared into the closet before and she always comes out all loopy, but I’m too afraid to ask her.”

“Uhhhhhmmm……” Subaru took a moment to come up with some lie to shield the still innocent Petra from the truth. “Nee-sama just needs her alone time every so often, Rem being asleep really bothers her but she’s trying to hide it. So, it might be best to just pretend you never saw her in the closet to begin with.”

And with that Petra was seemingly convinced as she nodded in affirmation before heading off to go and buy more potatoes. Subaru let out a sigh of relief due to being able to hide what Ram was actually doing in the closet, huffing paint thinner. Going at it so hard that after she was too high to even walk properly, merely stumbling around with her mouth hanging open drooling.

But Subaru still had a mission to accomplish so he left behind the cupboard that emanated the sounds of Ram’s heavy breathing and huffing, and headed towards Emilia’s room.

Subaru gently opened the door to Emilia’s room, tip toeing in as he watches her still sleeping in her bed. He kept looking over at her sleeping peacefully as he slowly slinked across the room towards the drawer that he found to contain her black box of heroin stuffs. Why he hadn’t taken it with him in his tired state last night was something that he wished he knew now but didn’t have time to think about. The box was right in front of him now, he picked it up but when he turned to leave the room he was facing a fully awake Emilia staring right at him.

“Subaru? What are you doing?” Emilia asked with a confused and slightly drowsy look on her face, confirming that she had just woken up.

“I’m doing something for your own good, so I’ll be going now Emilia-tan” Subaru said while moving the black box behind his back, starting to walk towards the door.

“Liar” Emilia said curtly as she got out of bed to stand between Subaru and the door. Seeing her standing in her pajamas Subaru could see the dozens of tiny injection marks, sores and scars littering her two pale arms, it was this sight that gave him the strength to do what he had to in order to help her through this crippling addiction.

Emilia held out her hand with an open palm as her eyes took on a crazed look as she waited for Subaru to return her beloved box to her.

It was now or never in Subaru’s mind, for his plan to work now he could only hope that her reflexes were at least slightly dulled from just waking. “I’m doing this for you Emilia-tan, please try and remember that I love you.”

Just as Emilia began to utter “liar” once more Subaru tried to bolt right past her and out the door, if he managed to lose her he could build up enough distance to give him the time to destroy the needles and heroin, than he could hope that he might be able to convince her to kick the habit before she got more.

But none of this mattered for the second Subaru took his first step, Emilia shrieked “YOU CAN’T HAVE IT” and pounced at Subaru.

The two rolled around on the ground wrestling for the box, Subaru doing his best to keep the box tight against his body so that Emilia couldn’t get a sufficient grip to use her vastly superior strength to pry it from his hands. But eventually when the two were both against the floor Emilia got a hand between Subaru and the box, she then promptly delivered a kick to Subaru’s stomach with enough force to launch him into the wall with a satisfying _thud_. Subaru tried to crawl right back towards Emilia who had pulled the box tight against her chest as if to protect it from him; but just as he reached out, his fingertips about to brush against the box his eyes met Emilia’s crazed glare. He saw a hint of pure anger flash across her normally gentle features before feeling the back of her hand slam into the side of his face with what he could only guess was her full strength.

He felt his cheekbone crack and shatter under the tremendous force, his teeth being jammed inward at a 45 degree angle as his gums were horribly torn, the whole side of his head igniting in a torrent of pain. The pain wasn’t to last too long however as he was propelled backwards into the very set of drawers, he found the black box in. The corner of his forehead contacted with a visceral _crunch_ as it fractured into thousands of pieces and compressed to leave a bloody indent to match the corner of the drawer.

The second this indent formed all the pain disappeared from Subaru’s body, along with nearly all his other brain activity. The sheer force of the impact had left him brain dead and now all that was left was to wait for enough blood to flow from his wound to kill him.

While Subaru laid on the floor slowly bleeding to death Emilia did not help him, her crazed eyes were transfixed on the black box as she slowly opened it to reveal an assortment of bottles and various small metal implements. She hurriedly began to prepare her next fix without even taking note of anything else in the room, mixing her heroin with an acid before heating with a spoon, pouring the toxic mixture into a needle, tying off her arm before taping her veins to find one that was still intact enough to take the needle, slowly piercing her once pristine porcelain skin with the tip of the needle before pressing down the plunger.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” Emilia let out a massive gasp as her body was consumed by the greatest euphoria she’d ever felt as the toxic chemicals once again surged through her bloodstream.

Several minutes passed with Emilia sitting at the base of her bed with her eyes clamped shut, breath heavy and ragged. As the euphoria soon faded in intensity, she slowly opened her eyes, the crazed look now gone and replaced by one that can be considered far more normal. As her senses and mind came back to her, she caught an unusual scent; this scent wasn’t the normal muddle of burnt and chemical tones, no, it was the scent of blood.

She looked up to see Subaru’s lifeless body on her floor with a small but growing puddle of blood forming around his head, as her eyes travelled farther up, she saw the blood running down the side of her set of drawers, originating from a point on the corner that was completely red with small bits of gore stuck to it.

It took Emilia a second to process the scene before her, slowly standing up as she softly called “Subaru?” to try and get a reaction from the motionless boy who lay with his back to her. She knelt beside him and tried to get a response by slightly rocking his body with her hand, increasing the intensity when she didn’t get an immediate response before turning him to completely face her.

She was met with the sight of his lifeless and smashed face, eyes devoid of life and already beginning to slowly glaze over, mouth open to show his ripped gums, smashed jaw, and teeth sticking out at unnatural angles. She saw how the lower portion of his jaw was broken to the point of disfiguring the lower portion of his face; she saw how the corner of his forehead was concaved in, a mess of blood, skin, bone, and some brain matter.

Her face froze in shock, jaw hanging open, her eyes welling with tears at the sight of her knights disfigured and lifeless corpse. Although based on the trauma, the amount of blood, and how she could literally feel the heat leaking from his body Emilia knew he was dead; but in no world was she ready to accept that the boy who had always managed to find a smile no matter how tough things were, was dead.

Just as tears began to fall from her eyes, a crash came from the door, but Emilia didn’t turn to face the sound. Because of this she didn’t see how Beatrice had just dropped a bottle of wine at the sight of her contractor’s body.

The Great Spirit sprinted to her contractors’ side nearly instantly, ignoring the sense that their contract had already dissolved due to his passing. She hastily began casting healing magic that quickly returned Subaru’s broken body to near mint condition.

Beatrice kept her look fixed onto Subaru’s body which now looked to be at peace, in sharp contrast to his violent death as tears continued to stream down her face. Eventually she managed to work up the strength to speak through clenched teeth.

“Why did you kill Betty’s Subaru…..” Beatrice look up from Subaru’s body to stare right at Emilia with tears running down her face, her voice verging on completely breaking down.

Upon hearing this Emilia looked up at Beatrice’s face, who was still looking at her right in the eye; although her eyes were still full of tears and it seemed that she was still fighting to not completely break down, Emilia too began to choke out a few words.

“I killed Subaru…… No, he was just fine. He was holding my box one second and next he was like this on the floor…. I couldn’t have hurt Subaru, I couldn’t have…..”

“I guess you really are a witch, I suppose. To kill someone so close to you while giving it so little thought to not even recognize it” Beatrice spat at her before returning her focus back to her dead contractors body.

Hearing this a rush of anger overcame Emilia as she screamed, “NO, I DIDN’T KILL HIM!” But as she screamed in her anger, the same magic that she had once wielded as a child came out and the entirety of the room infront of her turned to solid ice in the blink of an eye, Beatrice and Subaru’s body included.

Emilia quickly covered her mouth with both hands as tears continued to roll down her face; a slight whimper could be heard coming from her mouth, “What’s happening to me…..”

* * *

Subaru shot straight up in bed, clutching his head where he had received the lethal blunt force trauma that caused his death. His heart rate and breathing had immediately shot up to what they were when he was wrestling with Emilia for the box. He took one, two, three breaths to calm himself down before immediately getting out of bed to begin walking towards Emilia’s room, leaving Beatrice still asleep in his room.

This had defiantly been a death that haunted Subaru more than most, he had been killed by Emilia while she was in some drug depraved psychotic state. The girl whom he loved, the one he had called an angel, one of the gentlest and nicest people he knew had fallen so far. She wasn’t the angel he fell for after being saved in the alley, she wasn’t the girl who he saw overcome the massive emotional burdens she carried back in Sanctuary. Subaru’s EMT had fallen from her pedestal high up in the heavens, she was now a strung out junkie who’d kill one of her closest friends just because he got in the way of her next fix. This hurt Subaru inside, more than when Emilia told him that she didn’t think he should be around her after the royal selection fiasco; but Natsuki Subaru was her knight and he’d keep fighting to restore the original EMT until she herself forced him to give up.

Subaru arrived in front of Emilia’s room once again; this time he planned to do things differently however. He knew that Emilia would wake up on her own very soon so he needed to be fast, he’d grab the box and take it to the bath’s heating crystals and destroy it, he’d than take the metal pieces and bury them in the garden while Emilia would likely be inside in a panic looking for them. At that point he’d have to find a way to calm the likely psychotic Emilia down, but that was a then problem and this was a now problem. Subaru stepped into Emilia’s room quickly and decisively, still careful to plant each foot with enough caution to minimize the sound however. He reaches the box, grabs it and leaves the room in the same style as he entered. However, right when he turns around to close the door behind him, he finds Emilia standing right there. She’d gotten out of bed in an instant and without making a sound and was now standing nought but a few paces from him with the same crazed look in her eyes that she had when she last killed him.

“Really not going to make this easy on me huh” Subaru muttered under his breath. He than turned his back and took his first step to bolt away. But like an animal the second he did so Emilia pounced, tackling him to the ground and pinning him there as he tried to keep the box from her. The two once again began a process of rolling on the ground as the jostled for control of the box; this time however Subaru knew that he absolutely needed to position himself so the he always remained between her and the box, lest he wants to get kicked off as he had before.

But the disparity between each of their strengths was too great, Emilia had managed to squirm one of her arms underneath Subaru and now had a hand grasping the bottom half of the box. As she pulled harder and harder; Subaru felt the box beginning to slip from his grip until it was gone. However it seemed that Emilia herself didn’t anticipate that she’d free the box from Subaru at that moment either as it got launched across the hallway the instant Subaru lost contact with it.

The box sailed across the hall before slamming into a door frame with a resonating _crack_ , where it split open and spilled its contents in disarray across the floor. However thanks to the quality and likely high cost of the box nothing was broken, not even the glass vials containing the heroin and acids.

Subaru’s eyes instantly caught onto the vial of heroin as he stood up and bolted towards it, leaving Emilia about a pace or two behind thanks to the shock of the box leaving her grip and breaking. As he ran Subaru leaned down and scooped up the vial before darting around the corner, but as he leaned in to turn at speed he felt an iron grip clap down on his left ankle, and with this grip he came crashing down to the floor. The second he hit the floor he was pulled backwards with enough force that he thought his foot was going to be ripped from his leg, then followed a series of incredibly sharp pains in his back.

“Aauuuuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrr” Subaru sputtered as his throat filled with blood, some spraying out from his mouth. Emilia had jammed several of the needles right into his back, penetrating far enough to tear into his lungs.

“GIVE IT BACK!” Cried a crazed Emilia as she moved to try and rip the small vial of heroin from his hands, just as Subaru was beginning to choke on his own blood an idea popped into his head.

“There’s just one last thing I can try at this point to return her to her senses.” He thought as he raised the vial in his hand, Emilia reaching for it thinking that he was finally going to relent and return it to her.

Except he didn’t, instead he slammed his hand and the vial right into the ground with as much strength as he could still muster. The glass vial shattered on impact, resulting in tiny shards of glass tearing into his hand, leading to blood mixing with the heroin now splayed across the floor, rendering it useless due to contamination.

Subaru was given a brief reprieve as Emilia froze, staring at the ruined heroin like she was looking at the corpse of her own child, but Subaru instantly realized how stupid it was to do what he just did. The aura around Emilia suddenly changed, it was no longer one of desperation; now it was one of murderous intent.

Emilia flipped Subaru onto his back, driving the needles even farther into his chest cavity before she stood up. She looked right down into his eyes, the crazed and murderous look of hers contrasting sharply with the look of terror and despair dominating his own face. While shouting “I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU” at the top of her lungs Emilia lifted her foot and smashed Subaru’s head in, ending his life for the second time in a row.

* * *

Subaru instantly shot up in bed with his hands holding his head, he remembered being crushed to death, he remembered being murdered by his EMT. The first time she had kill him it didn’t seem like she had fully intended to, it was like she was swatting him away like a pest, but this was different. This time she had completely gone out of her way to kill him, dragging him back towards her so she could stab him, so she could crush his head into a pulp, so she could murder him out of pure rage and hatred.

He sat there until he looked over at Beatrice sleeping so calmly beside him, she looked so peaceful, so happy with her current life. Maybe he wasn’t in the right to try and take that happiness away from them, maybe he should just let them do what they want, it was their lives after all. So Subaru made a resolution to himself, he’d simply ask them what they wanted to do and accept whatever answer they gave him.

“Hey Beako, time to wake up sleepyhead.” Subaru said as he gently nudged the great spirit awake.

“Let Betty sleep a bit longer, her head really hurts, in fact” Beatrice said with a muffled voice as she turned over to bury her face in the pillow.

“There’s something I really need to talk to you about Beatrice, like its really bugging me and I don’t think it can wait.”

With a groan Betty sat up and faced Subaru, “If Betty’s Subaru needs her than what is Betty to do but help, I suppose.”

“Uhhhm Beatrice, do you ever think its bad with how much you drink?” Subaru asked this question honestly, even though he had an opinion he tried to hide it as much as possible to avoid affecting whatever answer she’d give.

“Hmmm, Betty might drink a bit too much because she misses out on some moments with her Subaru as a result, I suppose. Maybe Betty should cut back just a tiny bit, in fact.” Beatrice nodded as if agreeing with herself. “However Betty is going to cut back slowly, and Betty’s head hurts so let her have a bit more sleep, I suppose.” Beatrice than slid back down under the blankets and went back to sleep.

Subaru than patted her on the head before leaving the room, “Thank you Beatrice, you give me just a bit of hope that this’ll all work out.” He said softly to the now sleeping Beako.

Subaru walked down the hall, seeing noticing that this time Ram wasn’t yet in her closet and that Petra was still elsewhere in the mansion, thinking about how funny it was that the timeline seemed to diverge just from one little thing that should’ve had no impact on them whatsoever.

Finally arriving in front of Emilia’s door Subaru knocked and announced his presence this time, hoping to avoid drawing any kind of suspicions which could in any way lead to another death at her hands.

“Emilia-tan, it’s me Subaru! There’s something I want to talk to you about so I’m coming in, if you’re not dressed yet than thank you.” Subaru declared as he entered the bedroom before he even finished saying that he was going to enter.

Emilia was sat right on the floor with her treasured black box open right in front of her, she was staring right at him in the doorway with a look of suspicion. Seeing this look from her he raised his hands as if surrendering while cracking a slight smile before sitting down right beside her.

“You see Emilia-tan, I wanted to ask you some questions about, ya’know, this.” He than gestured towards the heroin paraphernalia in her box. “I wanted to ask you if you think this is bad for you Emilia-tan, it’s seemed that lately you’ve been so absorbed in it that you haven’t been yourself. I wanted to ask you if you’ve ever thought of cutting back just a little bit, so the rest of us here can have just a bit of EMT too?” Subaru said this with the painful and recent memories of his deaths from Emilia flashing through his mind.

“It feels realllllllly good though, so why would I stop?” Emilia stated in a very manner of fact voice.

“But don’t you ever feel that you’re going just a bit overboard with it?” Subaru asked her, voice tinged with concern.“So if I asked you to atleast cut back on how much you used, what would you say?”

“No” Emilia stated before looking away, indicating that their conversation was now over.

Subaru left the room with a defeated look on his face which worsened when he heard Emilia’s cries of ecstasy and pleasure as he left to find Ram, hoping to have a similar but more successful conversation with her.

* * *

Natsuki Subaru thrust through that mansion doors and began sprinting down the corridor to his bedroom. He’d just returned from his normal parkour training but something urgent had come up, something felt very wrong with his contract with Beatrice. The mansion was once again significantly emptier than it normally was, Roswaal was touring the domain with the same entourage as last time, meaning it was only Subaru, Petra, and the junkies.

As he ran down the hallway he passed by Petra, she was huddled in the corner whacking her arms like she had been for the past few months. Whenever he’d ask her why she’d simply say “There’s just too many bugs, I just can’t get them all. But don’t worry I’m sure if I keep trying that I’ll get them one day!” Subaru had never thought much of this, Petra must’ve just learned about germs or something and she thought she could kill them all by whacking them, or something along those line. Then he passed by the closet, Ram’s closet. He heard the heavy breathing and sucking noises emanate from within, Ram was going hard on the paint thinners again.

But Subaru didn’t stop before he arrived at his room, flinging the door open he saw Beatrice sitting on the bed, seeming slightly aimless or listless as if she’d been waiting for someone, or something for a long time.

“Beatrice is everything alright? I felt as if something was off with the contract.” Subaru said with a sense of urgency lacing his voice.

“Betty is just fine, I su……..” Beatrice was cut off by a sudden sprout of coughing, heavy enough to rack her entire body. She leaned forward with one hand against the bedframe to support her while the other covered her mouth.

As Subaru sat down he looked down at the spirit who had become like his little sister with concern, taking one hand to rub her back in hopes it would help.

“Beako you defiantly aren’t doing alright, if you need more mana please take it, if that isn’t it I’ll take you to Emilia and hopefully she can help you.” Subaru said while still focusing all his attention on his spirit.

Beatrice responded after her coughing fit finally ended, “It doesn’t matter, I suppose. There’s nothing either of you can do for Betty at this point, in fact.” Beatrice than pulled her hand away from her mouth to reveal that a thick black substance was covering it; but there was no smell and when it dripped to the ground it simply dispersed. Beatrice had been coughing up mana; thick, putrid, corrupted mana.

“Where going to Emilia right now Beako.” Subaru stated before scooping up Beatrice and beginning to run out the door.

“Betty is glad for the time she got to meet her Subaru, I suppose. Betty just wishes that she spent the last few months far more sober so time had more meaning, in fact.” And that was the last thing Subaru heard from his little sister, the Great Spirit Beatrice; for afterwards she simply disintegrated into mana and ceased to exist.

“Beatrice……………..” Subaru sank to his knees as he stared at his two arms, at the place she had been, at the place she still would’ve been if he hadn’t given up so easily all those months ago. Tears welled up in his eyes as he remembered the brief time he got to spend with her, they began to cascade towards the carpet as the memories the two shared together flashed before his eyes. He replayed everything from the time he first met her in the forbidden library, to when he told her to choose him, to the fight with the Great Rabbit, to Priestella, to the watchtower. Then he saw her slowly destroy herself with drink and smokes, he saw his adorable little Beako too drunk to walk, than he arrived at the near past when her body had simply gotten too weak and dispersed into raw mana, lost to all but the winds of time and the memories of the living.

As Subaru looked up something caught his attention, the mansion had grown really quiet. The sounds of the bug whacking and paint huffing had disappeared, there wasn’t even the normal sound of footsteps as everyone went about their day. Subaru got to his feet and began to stagger down the hallway, his day had turned from one of worry to what seemed like a nightmare. He couldn’t even remember how long it had been since Beatrice disappeared.

Subaru reached the door to the closet, not a sound came from it so he banged on it as hard as he could. “ Ram, please…. You can make fun of me all you want later …….. but please come out………” Subaru was on the verge of breaking down into tears once again as he said this, but he truly needed someone right now. Even if Ram would berate him and insult him for it, she’d be there when he needed her; she was still his tough but caring Nee-sama. But no matter how hard he banged on the door or pleaded with her to help, not one sound came from within, so Subaru opened the door.

Ram sat in a wooden chair limp, her head tilted all the way back over the headrest as if she’d fallen asleep, by her feet an open can of paint thinner. Subaru approached and reached out to rock her awake but fell backwards to his feet as soon as his hand touched the bare skin on her shoulder, stone cold. As he fell back, Ram too fell from her chair towards Subaru. Now laying on his chest all Subaru could see where the cold, glazed, and lifeless eyes of Ram’s corpse.

He scurried back freaking out, he was in a nightmare, a nightmare that was all his fault. His eyes darted uncontrollably around as he continued to stumble down the hallway, fingers digging into the side of his head as he tried to distract himself from the horrid silence of the mansion. But then he stopped, he heard a sound, the first sound from someone other than himself since Beatrice’s last words, it was the sound of _buzzing._ Subaru sprinted around the corner as fast as he could manage, but when he rounded it he braced himself against the wall and vomited all over the once clean rug.

The sight in front of him made his stomach churn, churn like it hadn’t since he saw the site of the Arlam village massacre, but this time all he saw was Petra. She was still huddled in the corner, but was completely motionless with fly’s swarming around her. Her skin was ripped to shreds, hanging off her tiny body in ragged sheets to the point of exposing the bone, fat, muscle, and nervous tissue behind. Blood had flown down from her self-inflicted wounds to dye the floor, walls, and rugs around her a deep crimson; Petra Leyte had bleed to death as she tore her own body apart in an effort to combat the non-existent bugs that crawled under her skin. As Subaru watched the flies begin to land and begin their feast, one even crawling around her lifeless eye to enter her skull; Subaru continued on in the hope that there was still at least one person alive in the mansion.

He slowly walked down the hallway, eyes narrow and hallow thanks to the sight he just saw, a few beads of sweat beginning to run down his forehead as his anxiety for this nightmare timeline began to climb.

Natsuki Subaru arrived in front of Emilia’s bedroom, afraid to even touch the doorknob until he heard a sound emerge from within.

“Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing” A sharp inhale as if one were experiencing a sharp pain, that was all Subaru needed to hear to make him barge right into the room.

“EMILIA STOP!” He shouted at the top of his lungs, but he was too late. The plunger on the needle that was stuck into the artery that ran along the inside of her leg was already fully depressed.

“Ohhhhhhh what is it Subaru?” Emilia lazily turned her head to face him before beginning to stand up. But she collapsed right to the ground before she managed to get all the way, only being saved from impact by Subaru running forward and catching her.

“Emilia that looked like a lot, how much did you use?” He said as he looked down at the loopy girl in his arms with the same concern he’d given to Beatrice.

“Ahhhhh it just feels reallllllllllly good, so I used all of it.” Emilia gave a massive smile as she gently closed her eyes and nuzzled her head into the crook of his arm as if she were ready to sleep right there. But her calm demeanor was suddenly shattered as she clutched her chest right above her heart, every muscle tensing as her body began to spasm. Foam began to emit from her mouth as she quivered and shook, through the tiny crack that her eyes had opened Subaru could see what she was feeling, pure terror.

“EMILIA, EMILIA, STAY WITH ME!” He shouted in vain as he watched her eyes begin to roll back into her head, the tremors in her body growing weaker and weaker before stopping completely. For now, Emilia just lay still, not even breathing. For Emilia, just Emilia had joined the dead alongside their other companions in the mansion.

“Not……you too” Subaru sobbed as he held her lifeless body in his arms, his tears running down to mix with the stains in her clothes that came from her overdose. The silver lining in this for Natsuki Subaru was now there was nobody to stop him from the last drastic act he could take to salvage this situation.

Subaru placed Emilia in her bed, doing his best to clean her up and make her seem at peace. Subaru than respectfully left the room and shut the door before doing the same for Petra and Ram. He placed a herb in the pockets of Petra’s uniform to drive away the flies before carrying her to her bedroom, once inside he placed her underneath her bedsheets to hide the horrors of her self-inflicted injuries before solemnly departing. For Ram, he carried her to the same room as the comatose Rem and placed her at her side, letting the twins be together one last time in this timeline before its inevitable end.

After doing his best to honor his companions to atone for a situation created by his own slothfulness Subaru arrived back in his own room. He carefully pulled back the covers on the side of the bed where Beatrice slept before removing something from the drawer in his room and sliding into bed himself.

His eyes stayed glassy as he made a declaration out loud to no individual in particular, “I’ll save everyone of you guys, I just hope I’m given enough time.” His eyes than jolted as he slid the blade of the utility knife into his own neck, eventually the twinkle of life itself left his eyes as his soul left this body to begin again.

* * *

Eventually escaping from the warm yet dark embrace of sleep Subaru opened his eyes, initially drowsy but soon alert in horror at what he heard.

“Betty really needs a fucking drink right about now, in fact.”

Fin

**Author's Note:**

> That got real messed up real fast  
> So remember kids, don't do drugs


End file.
